Reason, and Chapter Two

There is just no way to reason about playing 6 hours of games when I should be studying.

What is it about a vast expanse of free time that screams "Go, play!", when I know I should be studying? ...Okay, maybe it's a stupid question.

How about, Why do I choose what's bad for me, even when I know what's best? The time I wasted last night is time I wasted in the full knowledge that there was and is something more valuable I could be spending my free evening doing. And I don't just mean studying, either.

See, something I did do yesterday was read through the second chapter of Don't Waste Your Life. The further I get, the happier I am I decided to pick it up again. The chapter, titled Breakthrough: the Beauty of Christ, My Joy, is very much applicable. I'm not a student of literature, and my encounters with literary study have been few, especially since coming to university. I consider this a shame. However, Piper's criticism of scholarly treatments of literary text resonated with me. In several courses I've been encouraged to apply my interpretation of a particular reading, to override the author's intentions with my own vision for what their piece meant. But, in so doing, we start to muddy things! As Piper states, "If there is only one life to live in this world, and if it is not to be wasted, nothing seemed more important to me than finding out what God really meant in the Bible, since he inspired men to write it. If that was up for grabs, then no one could tell which life is worthy and which life is wasted." (p. 24) His point being, by deciding to interpret and apply the text as you see fit, the reader robs the text of the author's intended meaning. If we understand the author of the bible to be God, who is Love, Truth, Justice, Wisdom, and Strength, among other things, then would it not make sense to seek with every fiber of our being to discover the meaning of his words?

The rest of the chapter Piper spends explaining how he continued to learn The Obvious and seek objective meaning from the bible... and of course, the answer to The Meaning Of Life. Now, reading this nearly two years after becoming a Christian, his words are far less shocking to me, though no less potent: God's intent is to display his glory, and our purpose is to glorify him by delighting in him. To be truthful, though I'd of course heard this over and again for the last almost-two years, Piper's explanation of this truth is one of the most eloquent I've read, and easily one of the most comprehensible! I, like Piper, have been wrestling for the last few months with, as Piper puts it, "what is right, and what is inevitable" (p. 31) (emphasis mine). What is right is that we glorify God, and what is inevitable is that we seek our own happiness. As someone who's dealt with a lot emotionally for the last 3 years, it would of course be a natural response to seek happiness. What I have honestly struggled with is that glorifying God and my happiness have seemed two entirely different things!

Some fundamental part of me (the part that bears the thumbprint of my maker, no doubt, as well as the Holy Spirit) has always recognized this as a problem, a glitch in my understanding. I laughed a little ruefully when I read further, "Compounding the problem was that many who seemed to emphasize the glory of God in their thinking did not seem to be enjoying him much. And many who seemed to enjoy God most were defective in their thinking about his glory." (p. 31) In some ways, to me, desiring God seemed... undesirable. Icky. Between watching fellow Christians fling bible verses heedlessly at Atheists and skeptics, the arguments between denominations, and the constant struggle between my real self vs. my ideal self, my own faith had begun to leave a bad taste in my mouth. So, Piper's revelation that glorifying God and being happy are one and the same was something of a revelation for me as well, one that has challenged me to take my study of God's message to us much more seriously. "God created me - and you - to live with a single, all-embracing, all-transforming passion - namely, a passion to glorify God by enjoying and displaying his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. Enjoying and displaying are both crucial. If we try to display the excellence of God without joy in it, we will display a shell of hypocrisy and create scorn or legalism..." (ibid.) (Emphasis mine - this definitely home)

Piper explains further on what exactly is meant by 'glorify', and I have to say, although I probably understood this word on some level, the cultured part of my mind always flinched when I heard it (much like words like, 'evangelize', and 'religious') - it seemed narcissistic. But, why SHOULD he get all the glory? Being Love, Truth, Justice, Wisdom, and Strength (as I mentioned before) has a lot to do with this. To be honest, it's still something I'm wrapping my head around. Piper offers the helpful metaphor that glorifying God is like magnifying God, in that if you magnify God as a telescope magnifies planets and stars, you are making something that is unfathomably large appear very clearly. Our lives are meant to show God more clearly - this is done by enjoying him. Again, part of me thinks this is amazing, and part of me thinks this outrageous.

I think what twisted the knife through my little heart, though, was a section on love that bears the title, "Does Being Loved Mean Being Made Much Of?"

Why yes, John, I believe it does.

Oh, shoot, is that wrong? This, unfortunately, is a belief I've held so close to me that I'm having a hard time escaping it. It became painfully obvious during my last relationship, but I have little doubt it has existed much, much longer than I'll ever recall. I still suffer from extreme self-interest - I will admit it. The fact that this blog exists is in part a testimony to that. The fact that my computer is full of pictures of myself is another. Pipers words are the smack upside the head that I have sorely needed for so very long: "Love is doing what is best for someone. But making self the object of our highest affections is not best for us. It is, in fact, a lethal distraction. We were made to see and savor God - and savoring him, to be supremely satisfied, and thus spread in all the world the worth of his presence. Not to show people the all-satisfying God is not to love them. To make them feel good about themselves when they were made to feel good about seeing God is like taking someone to the Alps and locking them in a room full of mirrors." (p. 33)

As I sit and write, and consider how this post started and where it is ending, something seems painfully clear to me. When asking myself how I can continue to fritter away useful time on worthless things, I normally cite a lack of motivation. But in so doing, I'm exempting myself from the more obvious issue - I can't even choose what is best for myself.

Sorry for another epically long post, it was probably as hard to write as it is for you all to read. I promise I'll post more cat pictures to make up for it!

Fall Into The Arms Of Another...

Okay, so, here's the deal.

I promise you I have a backlog of journal entries (written by hand) that I mean to upload to this blog... eventually. I didn't mean to start this blog and leave everyone hanging immediately following. In fact, I had a nice little entry introducing my church and homechurch all lined up, but just haven't had the time.

So, after the levity (ooh, 5 points!) of my first official post, comes a lighter second entry, short and sweet.

To quickly clue in those who are out of the loop, I go to a church in Oakville called The Meeting House. Every second weekend I volunteer at the cafe, and every weekend opposite cafe weekends, I volunteer with the three-year-olds kidmax program (sunday school) during the early service. Why give up my every sunday morning? Here's a clue:

I. Love. These. Kids.

In the few short weeks that I've been involved in TMH, I think my 2 hours a month with the wee ones has been one of the most beneficial experiences I've had so far in my walk. Maybe it's because I'm seeing the world through new, childlike eyes myself, or maybe it's just because I such a little kid myself, but I've gained so many little insights into my relationship with God through them, as well as relationships with other people. This past Sunday was no exception:

Maybe it was the full moon, maybe it was the halloween candy. Whatever it was, the kids - all 10 of them - were just off the wall. Emma and I definitely had our hands full. In the midst of handing out snacks and trying to clean up an attempt at crafts, one of the quieter girls, Lauryn, bumped my leg and held up a book. "Will you wead this fow me?" She asked so softly I could barely hear here above the general din. I love reading (even kids books), so I told her of course, and asked her where she'd like to sit. Pulling my hand, she tugged me down to the middle of the playroom floor, and as I opened the book, and before I could do anything, she plopped herself down into my lap. Worry instantly flashed across my mind - was this okay? There are rules these days about teachers hugging students, worried parents analyzing every stranger's glance... I cast a meaningful look at Emma, but she was otherwise engaged. Shrugging inwardly, I opened the book, and began reading. Other children gathered around in a semi-circle, all hushed and gazing intently at the illustrations as I read, an effect that was not lost on me. But all the while as I read, Lauryn sat, unaware of the niggling little worry at the back of my head.

Thinking back on it tonight as I brushed my teeth, though, something struck me. How easy it was for her to trust me! How automatic, the desire to find comfort in the arms (or lap) of another person, bigger, stronger than her (at least, in the physical sense). How often do we as adults want, or even need, to seek out that same comfort, that same physical and emotional embrace? We have this concept of 'personal space', no-touching policy, this generally cold and unfeeling attitude. We. Must. Keep. Everything. In. Side. How much do we stifle basic human relationships this way?

How much do we stifle our relationship with God this way? We may accept Christ as Lord and Savior, dedicate our lives to serving Him and in Him... but when a time comes where our feet fail, our strength wanes, and we become racked with worry, do we turn to others, or especially to Christ, with open arms? Or do we curl up into ourselves, trying to hide away the guilt or pain? And are we, those who have suffered through hurts and sorrows, drawing close to us those who reach out?

Her trust and her want for closeness just blew me away.

His trust and His love brought me back home again.