Turning from "Self " to "Selfless"

Hey friends. :)

I'm not entirely sure where to begin this post. With joy, I'd like to tell you that I'm making it my plan to update this blog at least on a weekly basis, probably every Sunday. This summer I learned a lot about the value of taking time to reflect and meditate on what I've been learning, and Sunday seems like the most logical day. So here is the first of the Sunday posts!

First, to give you a brief update:
On Wednesday, August 1st, I arrived at Pearson International Airport at 5:48PM, 10 minutes ahead of schedule. It was a relief to be finished traveling. Saying goodbye most of Monday and Tuesday was very hard, and I felt a strong desire to move on and away from those thoughts and feelings and into the next step. Within hours, I was home with family, and then off to a staff party for my workplace in Waterdown. It was a beautiful night and a great time connecting with my coworkers at home and just genuinely enjoying time with them.

Thankfully, God has provide for me abundantly this month! I am now working 19 out of 31 days. This is a great big answer to prayer, as I did not get nearly as many hours this summer as I would have liked (though I probably worked about as many as I could physically or emotionally handle). My time is also being quickly filled up with things related to York C4C, friends, family, and just taking some time to chill. Which leads me into what I wanted to really say...

The month of August for most people is pretty insignificant, as far as calendar months go. We get a couple of holidays, really hot weather, and hayfever and back to school prep to boot. August to me is slightly more significant. This month marks the one year anniversary of the beginning of my journey for Truth and God. Aug. 15th marks the specific date that my seemingly ideal world came crashing down about my ears, and I was forced to look at the reality of my life and my situation. Roughly a month later, I made the full commitment to follow Christ, and 5 months following that, I declared publicly through my baptism that there really was no turning back for me. I had made up my mind. A month following, I left for Edinburgh, Scotland. Facing the reality that mankind is indeed stubborn and has desperately fallen out of sorts with God, I stepped out into the battlefield. I learned a lot from my teammates and the people we spoke to, and came home with the conviction that God was calling me to continue to study and grow at home. Three months later, I boarded a bus with Olga to Halifax, and for three months I spent my time getting to know God more intimately, growing exponentially, and encouraging others around me. Here I sit, a year later, hardly believing the words that I type. I lived all this, the sorrow, the joy, the adventure, everything. So what have I taken away from it all? What great lessons have I learned, and what will my life look like in the future?

God really does have the best plan, and he really is faithful to those who love Him and whom He loves. Hey, that sounds pretty good.

But what does it mean in my life (and hopefully, yours)?

As I look back, and now look forward to what's ahead, I can see one clear trend, which I alluded to in the title of this post. It's something that, while my growth may have been exceptionally speedy, has taken a long to unfurl. It's the steady, subtle change from being selfish to selfless. Now, I'm not saying that I've done the complete 180, or that the spiritual/emotional place that I'm at now is the endpoint of my journey. We continue to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, and we are cautioned numerous times to press on towards the goal (Jesus Christ).

I am thankful for my time with my coworkers, the Meeting House, C4C, my friends, and anyone else who really opened themselves up to God and helped me get back on my feet. Your actions and words were amazing models of God's love. You were patient in the early days when I wallowed continually, and spent a great deal of time in self-learning and spiritual re-adjustment. That work isn't finished. But now, coming out of that a year later, I can see the future much more clearly. As much time was spent carefully fitting the pieces back into place according to God's will, now it's time to turn from self to others. Paul didn't just see God and and go "Hey, look, there is an almighty God out there who loves us. Neat." and trip along his merry way. Nor did he simply realize how wrong he had been and seek to turn from those things that stood between him and God, and that was the end of it. He made it his life long mission, his one and only purpose, to know Christ, to know the Good News and live within its truth - that we have been given the amazing chance to be totally free of sin, to have our lives changed, wiped clean, and set aright. And not only that, he ministered to others! He spent the rest of his life in close relationship with the people in the world around him, encouraging them, rebuking them in love, teaching them and praying for them. He turned from self, to selfless.

I want to live like that.

I just didn't realize how much until I came home.

Like I said, the Meeting House has been instrumental in my walk with God. Their unrelentless pursuit of the real Jesus, their boldness in tackling issues such as sex, violence, poverty, and so much more, has been inspiring. I've learned and grown a lot within those walls. But now, I think it may be time to turn knowledge into action, place my involvement at the Meeting House (and not my learning) on the back burner, and really look closely at the community I'm in, right here in Hamilton/Waterdown. I'm not sure what this looks like yet. It might mean attending the Meeting House location closer to home, or attending a different, more local church. It could (and this sounds appealing to me) mean starting a Waterdown homechurch. It could mean many things. But I do know that it looks like serving others in spite of the way the world views them, and in spite of myself.

Sorry this was so long, but as we've all noticed, it's been a month since I last wrote and there's been a lot going on in my world these days. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to spend this month working out the plan for this year. I'll try and make it a little... lighter... next time! ;)