Superbad Habits

So I'm pretty sure I forgot to mention it officially, but I found a new homechurch! I liked my old homechurch too, its only fault being that it is held on Monday nights, the same night as my winter and summer classes.

I like this new homechurch for the same reasons I like my old one - good atmosphere, friendly people, good discussion, and they have cats. Priorities, people. It also has the added bonus of being hosted by someone I actually already knew from church, so I felt at home almost instantly.

This week's discussion revolved around last Sunday's sermon, the first in a short series called Superbad (and NOT to be confused with the movie of the same title!), which brought to light some issues and attitudes surrounding sin, and how sin is dealt with. Of course the base understanding is that our sin is atoned for by Christ, but how do move on from there? If we are in the habit of committing the same sin, or beating ourselves up in the hopes at that we'll do better next time, are we being transformed? I know personally I struggle as a 'repeat offender' - I can't seem to break the cycle of certain bad habits, and just as Joel shared in the sermon, I too have had several people tell me not to fret - those wrongs are righted by Christ! That's very, very well and good, but it does little to help me as I struggle with what almost seems to be a dual nature. Read Romans 7:15-24 for a better idea of what I'm talking about here.

Andy, our homechurch leader, had us read Phillipians 3:4-6 to contrast the previous verses.

⁴though I myself have reasons for such confidence.

If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: ⁵circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; ⁶as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.

I'm still chewing on these two, but I believe Andy's point was the arrogance that legalism can tend to breed - "I did this, this, this, and this, so I'm that." - versus the humility of grace. Take a look at verse 24, and realize that this is the same man who wrote the above:

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Paul is one of those guys, possibly even the guy of the bible whom I love to hate and hate to love, I've grown into his teachings and writing over the last while, though I still find myself at odds with some of the things he says. However, dude lived an amazing life and these two passages go to show the struggle that Paul, like this rest of us, endured all of his believing life. Externally, I may look like I have things pretty together, and I've fooled myself on numerous occasions into thinking that I really do have it all together. But then, as one of the other women put it last night, I get out of bed. I ought to get up every day thanking God and asking what I can do to serve today, but most days I fall into the same routine of doing pretty much exactly the opposite. Habit. It can be killer.

That isn't to say all habits are bad, of course. This blog is becoming one of my better habits. Keeping my room clean (which it has been, for the most part, for at least the last two weeks) is another. That may sound incredibly juvenile, but think about what your room says about your self-esteem, your work habits, etc. And learning a routine has been healthy, too.

Anyways, someone else also raised the point that if we happen to fall through on a promise we make or a habit we've tried to break, we're often very hard on ourselves. If a friend or a child or family member were to make the same mistake, we'd likely respond in a compassionate way. Help them back on the horse, so to speak. We often don't show the same healthy compassion towards ourselves. Have you ever found this? I'd never really thought of it until this person brought it up, but I'm pretty sure I'd never treat anyone around me to the kind of things I've said to myself over the past few months. Are there time-outs for verbally abusing yourself?

As the night wound down, there was one more thing that was said that made a very relieving click in my head. In OT times, of course, whenever the Israelites broke a law, they were required to make a sacrifice. What hadn't occurred to me was the sacrifice had to be presented at the temple - the dwelling place of God. Doing wrong literally brought the Jews to God's doorstep. Living under grace as we are, we aren't required to make sacrifices in the same way, as the price has already been paid. But, as I suggested above, how often to we find ourselves at God's feet when we've done something wrong? I can honestly say, my habit is to give myself a good duffing before I even consider praying it over. I'm actually quite amazed to realize it, because that's not grace at all!

Does anyone else find this? Or is it the opposite for you? I know I've also swung the other direction, where I simply shrug off whatever it is I've done, too disappointed in myself to deal with it. Sometimes, I'm not even disappointed. It's going to be an interesting few weeks.